The Power of the Positive Mindset: Lessons from Grandma

To continue our topic on staying positive, I wanted to take a moment to honor one of the most resilient and positive people I’ve ever known, my grandmother. Grandma passed away late last week, her final days being in the midst of our seemingly chaotic world. With Mario’s recent job loss and then the tornado, this should feel so hard or heavy or perhaps unfair, but somehow, it doesn’t. Out of each event we have seen and felt so many wonderful and inspiring things. In Mario’s post a couple of weeks ago he talked about the power of community. The friends and former colleagues who have reached out offering their time, support, and connections. The neighbors who came together after the tornado to help people they’ve never even met. We’ve made so many new connections both personally and professionally in the midst of these events. And, now, with the loss of my grandmother, we find ourselves once again surrounded by friends and family, reflecting, reminiscing, and most importantly, feeling extremely grateful. 

My grandmother was honestly one of the most positive people we’ve ever known. She had this amazingly infectious laugh. Not a big boisterous laugh, or one of those strange laughs that you can’t help but laugh at. It was more of a giddy giggle that always made you smile and laugh along with her. My Mom and I both got our odd ability to laugh when others might feel something different, something less desirable, from my grandmother. No matter how daunting the situation may seem, Grandma always found a way to inject some humor and lighten the load others were feeling. In my recent reminiscing I recalled her 90th birthday party a couple of years ago. My cousins, their spouses, Mario, and I were all sitting together admiring Grandma from afar as my Mom pushed her around the room in her wheelchair to see and talk to everyone. I vividly remember the conversation. One of my cousins looked at her saying, “Isn’t she just the cutest grandma you’ve ever seen?”. I recall the vibrant smile on her face and the joy that radiates from her to fill the room. We all agreed that she, in fact, WAS the cutest grandma we had ever seen. In reflecting on that moment I realized that it wasn’t just about her looks, this tiny little woman who really was quite adorable, but the positive energy that she emanated everywhere she went. 

In 2020, in the midst of a chaotic world, we lost my grandfather, the love of Grandma’s life. It was certainly a difficult loss for us all, but hardest on Grandma. As a couple they were the life of every party. And if there was music, they were dancing. Every wedding reception we were all racing out to the dance floor to get a picture or a video of the two of them out there showing us all how to do the waltz or some other formal dance they performed flawlessly. They both shared an amazing love of wine; Not just to drink, but the art and craft of wine making and the experimentation and creativity that came along with it. They loved to travel and made friends everywhere they went. Neither of them knew a stranger. They were both kind, humble, and honest and they loved helping others. They experienced plenty of hardships throughout their life together, but had always remained grateful and positive. Their favorite song, Just Beyond the Moon By Tex Ritter, is about a woman who shed no tears over her husband's death because just before he died he had told her that he would walk just beyond the moon and wait for her; Telling her to look up and see him lighting the light, and waiting for her just beyond the moon. This song embodies my grandparents in so many ways. I vividly remember Mario and I sitting next to Grandma by my grandfather's bedside, me holding his hand in his final days, and worrying if Grandma was going to be ok. This truly was her other half, someone she’d spent the last 69 plus years with. Of course Grandma was devastated after my grandfather's passing, but it didn’t take her light. She remained her vibrant and happy self. Grandma loved to talk about memories of Grandpa and we would laugh at his unbreakable stubbornness and determination. We admired his creativity, honesty, and grit. She was always grateful for the time they had and for the life they led together. 

Not too long after Grandpa’s passing, Grandma suffered a series of strokes. We were all so worried about her and how she was going to handle her new partial paralysis. Grandma was always so active and independent, would these new limitations get her down? Absolutely not! Again Grandma remained her bright and optimistic self, even laughing about the fact that her legs and her hand “just decided not to work anymore”. Even her speech was newly impaired, but that didn’t stop her from joining every conversation. And it certainly didn't stop her from laughing. These new limitations absolutely came with challenges, one being that she could no longer live alone. Without hesitation my parents began preparing their house to be wheelchair accessible so they could care for her. Our family came together to widen doorways, install a roll-in shower, and make other accessible upgrades. Grandma was going to have to sell her house that she had loved sharing with Grandpa. How would she handle this new loss? Well, in true Grandma style, she was nothing but excited about moving in with my parents and was even asking when we were going to hurry up and finish, so she could get moved in. After Grandma moved in with my parents my Mom decided to retire early to care for her mom full time. The following few years came with their own sets of challenges as Grandma’s health deteriorated, but we wouldn’t trade that time with her for anything. We were blessed with so many amazing memories with her during that time. I got to witness my own Mom lovingly care for her mother and develop a deep relationship that never would have formed had it not been for the situation that they’d found themselves in. I got to see the gratitude that my parents felt to be blessed with the honor of caring for my grandmother. And I saw the extreme gratitude my grandmother felt for my parents and for the love, care, and support they provided to her in her final years. 

Even in the midst of Grandma’s final days she was injecting humor in every conversation, to once again, lighten that load we were all feeling. But what we found most striking was the peace she felt in her final weeks. She talked about how she was going to miss us, but how she was looking forward to being with Grandpa again; How she was looking forward to dancing with him again. And how one day, she would be there to greet us, as we take our final breaths on this earth. Words cannot describe the gratitude that I feel witnessing her complete and total peace in her final days. Her resilience, gratitude, and unbreakable positivity throughout her life, along with her serenity in the end have left a profound impression on our lives. 

In the days since Grandma's passing I have read so many beautiful posts about her. One of my cousin's saying that Grandma taught her to always drink the wine, to take the trip, and to enjoy life to it's fullest. My aunt posted that her mother-in-law was fun and lively, a terrific cook, plain spoken with no nonsense, and a great conversationalist. She was a mother to seven but had more children than those she raised, sharing her time with everyone and was everyone's mother. Another cousin posted that Grandma's smile always warmed his heart and made him feel like everything would be okay. And that he doesn't think he ever saw her upset. I have to agree whole heartedly with all of these comments about our amazing Grandma. Her extraordinary spirit has touched the lives of so many.

This beautiful and chaotic life has taken us down so many twists and turns and I am so grateful for the resiliency, gratitude and positivity that Mario and I have been blessed with. No matter where you are in your life, know that this is one of many seasons or chapters in your life. Look for those lessons, those rays of light in every situation you find yourself in. No matter how daunting things may seem, know that you are learning and growing and moving closer toward something you didn’t even know you needed. And most importantly, don’t forget to laugh, every chance you get! 

Thank you Grandma for the love, the laughs, for all that you have shown us, taught us, and for the amazing woman that you were! I know you’ll be waiting for us just beyond the moon.